Being Sisters

Being a sister is hard work...sharing toys, sharing books, sharing attention, sharing food, sharing anything, having to say sorry when you've done something wrong, having another person in your room when you really want some time alone, feeling like your sister is getting something you wanted. The list goes on and on, but the bottom line is that being a sister takes lots of work. Much like a marriage, it doesn't come easily and actually takes each person making a decision every day to love the other. Children ages 4 and 2 just need help making the right decision most days :)

I love both of my sweet, blessing girls. I way over estimated the ease of being a sister and the transition they would be going through. I knew there would be adjustment on both sides and I had been prepared for it to take time but I did not consider some of the factors that have come into play for us.

I was not expecting Ava to be sad some days because of the big change that she has endured. Some days she just doesn't seem like her happy, go lucky self and when I ask her what's up she'll just quietly say (after a lot of prodding at first) that she's just sad today. If possible I try to quickly whisk her away so that we can have a little one on one time and talk through what she's feeling. Now, remember she's 4 so typically after 2 minutes of talking about the issue at hand she realizes that she has mama to herself and switches the conversation to trains or dolls or anything else on her mind. Often I can have her laughing and feeling better in a few minutes. Having my daughter feel sad is something that breaks my heart on so many different levels but I know that this will pass in time.

I was not expecting Ella to exhibit some learned behaviors that are not at all acceptable. I also have to remind myself that she is 2 years old (the “terrible twos” :)). As I've mentioned before, Ella has been scratching, hitting, and pinching since we met her. The hitting and pinching have pretty much stopped but the scratching is still a big issue and unfortunately usually the action is towards Ava. It typically plays out something like this; Ava and Ella are playing and then Ella decides she wants something that Ava has (a toy or attention). Sometimes Ella is try to take the toy first but if she doesn't get what she wants she goes in with a scratch. Most of the scratches are honestly minor little things that don't leave a mark. But there have been a couple of times where Ella has gone at Ava pretty hard and has left scratch marks on her which have scabbed over. Matt and I are learning Ella's signs and are doing our best to stop her from scratching before it ever even happens. And are praising her like crazy when she handles a situation well which could have gone the opposite way. We are making progress but I was never thinking about how to handle a behavior issue like that. Again she's 2 and is definitely testing us as well. She's stubborn but I think Matt and I can out stubborn her!!

I was not prepared for the skill needed to balance time between both girls. I think in my mind I thought that they'd always love being right next to each other. HA! Balancing playing with one daughter and then the other or making sure that when reading books that I'm making my funny faces towards each of them or making sure that if one daughter wants to do something and the other something else that I am going back and forth. This definitely takes a conscience effort. And effort that is SO worth it and will get more natural with time. I just want to make sure that each of my girls always feels valued, listened to, and loved. Never, ever do I want them questioning that!

I was not expecting the competitive nature that comes with every decision! Decisions that I think should be easy; like which cup I'm going to drink my water in for dinner. I had no idea how serious cups were. If one girl has a Minnie Mouse cup then there is no way that the other is going to drink out of a plain orange cup. Oh no, they must be equal in caliber! At restaurants I have learned to always order them the exact same meals. If I order Ava a hamburger and fries and Ella a hot dog and mandarin oranges; someone is definitely going to be mad even though they both love all those foods! Sharing toys is another area of serious competition. Some times they just hang on to a toy out of spite so that the other one can't have it regardless of whether they really want to play with the toy or not. At that point, Mama and Baba have to institute sharing time frames, “Ava, you get the toy for 5 minutes and then Ella gets it for 5 minutes”. Never a dull moment!

Parenting takes a sense of humor at all times! Let me tell you that some days my sense of humor is working much better than other days. I love to watch my beautiful girls figure out this big job ahead of them...being sisters who love each other and love to spend time together. Even with all the challenges there are always moments throughout the day that just melt my heart...a hug, giggling together, even them just sitting on the couch next to each other watching a show. These beautiful girls of mine make my heart so full of joy!