Being Sisters

Being a sister is hard work...sharing toys, sharing books, sharing attention, sharing food, sharing anything, having to say sorry when you've done something wrong, having another person in your room when you really want some time alone, feeling like your sister is getting something you wanted. The list goes on and on, but the bottom line is that being a sister takes lots of work. Much like a marriage, it doesn't come easily and actually takes each person making a decision every day to love the other. Children ages 4 and 2 just need help making the right decision most days :)

I love both of my sweet, blessing girls. I way over estimated the ease of being a sister and the transition they would be going through. I knew there would be adjustment on both sides and I had been prepared for it to take time but I did not consider some of the factors that have come into play for us.

I was not expecting Ava to be sad some days because of the big change that she has endured. Some days she just doesn't seem like her happy, go lucky self and when I ask her what's up she'll just quietly say (after a lot of prodding at first) that she's just sad today. If possible I try to quickly whisk her away so that we can have a little one on one time and talk through what she's feeling. Now, remember she's 4 so typically after 2 minutes of talking about the issue at hand she realizes that she has mama to herself and switches the conversation to trains or dolls or anything else on her mind. Often I can have her laughing and feeling better in a few minutes. Having my daughter feel sad is something that breaks my heart on so many different levels but I know that this will pass in time.

I was not expecting Ella to exhibit some learned behaviors that are not at all acceptable. I also have to remind myself that she is 2 years old (the “terrible twos” :)). As I've mentioned before, Ella has been scratching, hitting, and pinching since we met her. The hitting and pinching have pretty much stopped but the scratching is still a big issue and unfortunately usually the action is towards Ava. It typically plays out something like this; Ava and Ella are playing and then Ella decides she wants something that Ava has (a toy or attention). Sometimes Ella is try to take the toy first but if she doesn't get what she wants she goes in with a scratch. Most of the scratches are honestly minor little things that don't leave a mark. But there have been a couple of times where Ella has gone at Ava pretty hard and has left scratch marks on her which have scabbed over. Matt and I are learning Ella's signs and are doing our best to stop her from scratching before it ever even happens. And are praising her like crazy when she handles a situation well which could have gone the opposite way. We are making progress but I was never thinking about how to handle a behavior issue like that. Again she's 2 and is definitely testing us as well. She's stubborn but I think Matt and I can out stubborn her!!

I was not prepared for the skill needed to balance time between both girls. I think in my mind I thought that they'd always love being right next to each other. HA! Balancing playing with one daughter and then the other or making sure that when reading books that I'm making my funny faces towards each of them or making sure that if one daughter wants to do something and the other something else that I am going back and forth. This definitely takes a conscience effort. And effort that is SO worth it and will get more natural with time. I just want to make sure that each of my girls always feels valued, listened to, and loved. Never, ever do I want them questioning that!

I was not expecting the competitive nature that comes with every decision! Decisions that I think should be easy; like which cup I'm going to drink my water in for dinner. I had no idea how serious cups were. If one girl has a Minnie Mouse cup then there is no way that the other is going to drink out of a plain orange cup. Oh no, they must be equal in caliber! At restaurants I have learned to always order them the exact same meals. If I order Ava a hamburger and fries and Ella a hot dog and mandarin oranges; someone is definitely going to be mad even though they both love all those foods! Sharing toys is another area of serious competition. Some times they just hang on to a toy out of spite so that the other one can't have it regardless of whether they really want to play with the toy or not. At that point, Mama and Baba have to institute sharing time frames, “Ava, you get the toy for 5 minutes and then Ella gets it for 5 minutes”. Never a dull moment!

Parenting takes a sense of humor at all times! Let me tell you that some days my sense of humor is working much better than other days. I love to watch my beautiful girls figure out this big job ahead of them...being sisters who love each other and love to spend time together. Even with all the challenges there are always moments throughout the day that just melt my heart...a hug, giggling together, even them just sitting on the couch next to each other watching a show. These beautiful girls of mine make my heart so full of joy!             

Ella: Our First Month Together

It's hard to believe that our first month together has flown by already.  It has been a month of adjusting for all of us!   We are settling in nicely as a family of four and are all learning our roles...including the girls.  We have 2 very smart girls who try to work on the system but hopefully are also learning that they're parents are smarter (for now) or you might say more stubborn than they are.  :)  Matt and I keep saying that we are glad that Ella was not our first child or she'd have us in tears everyday.  LOL!!  She is super ornery, tries to get a rise out of her sister and parents, and pushes the limits all the time.  As parents, we at least feel better prepared to handle this and to not let her crying and tantrums get to us as much as it did with Ava.  At the same time, we love her orneriness and feistiness!!  It's one of favorite traits about her!  I know that we are going to eat those words one of these days!  

Ella, we are so thankful and blessed to have you in our family.  This is your FOREVER family!!  I'll never forget our first month together...so many beautiful memories while getting to know each other better.  I'll also never forget how sad you were those first several days we were together.  I cried right along with you because I so badly wanted to fix what you were going through and I couldn't do anything to make it better.  As a mom, I feel like I should always have the answers and be able to solve the problem.  I hate when my babies are sad and would do anything to take it away.  Under that tough exterior you have a very tender heart my baby girl.  I'm tearing up just thinking about our memories together and what to write for this blog.  You are an amazing, beautiful, strong girl!!  Never forget that!  And I will remind you everyday :)  I love you more than words baby girl!

Ella's One Month List:

1.  You are sleeping in your own bed and sleeping through the entire night!!!!  I can't even describe my excitement for this.  Your Mama needs her sleep :)  You're not always the happiest about going to bed at night and will cry but typically calm right down with some warm milk and your blanket.

2.  You have fallen in love with your blanket just like your big sister Ava did and I love that!!   It didn't take long for you to decide that it was a great comfort when you were sad or scared or mad.  Ava still sleeps with hers and takes it whenever she can.  I have a feeling that you might be on the same track.  Those blankets are very special.  They're from Nai Nai and Grandpa and have your names embroidered in them by Nai Nai.

3.  You love to eat!!  You are a little picky but will try everything once or twice.   And meal times tend to take you at least 45 minutes- an hour, even for a sandwich!  I think you are just a master procrastinator!!  You are loving yogurt, pasta noodles, cheerios, chips, popsicles, apple juice, milk, and fruit snacks.   And most days you think we need a snack at least every hour ;)

4.   You are your big sister are starting to act like sisters in the last 2 weeks.  You are both learning how to be sisters.  It's hard for you both to share and take turns, but you've made a lot of progress in this area lately.  You love to copy and follow Ava around.  And she loves to teach you new tricks.  It's fun to watch you 2 interact, laugh, and play together.  And even though it can be frustrating, it's even fun to watch you girls argue and figure out your differences.  I know you'll be doing that for a long time to come.

5.  You are so smart!!  You are very interested in figuring out how things work; you're not satisfied just watching things be done for you.  And typically you only need to be shown something once and you've got it down.  You are working on learning your shapes with the shapes ball toy.  You are also working on matching colors.

6.  Miss Independent!!  That is you!  If you can do something by yourself, that is how it is going to be done and not with any help from anyone else!  This is a blessing and a frustration all at the same time for Mama.  Sometimes it'd be easier if you let me help, but easier is not the goal!  Ha!  I know I will appreciate this big time down the road though.

7.  You don't sit still unless you are sleeping!  I remember this stage with Ava but I had forgotten; LOL!!  I mean you don't even sit for a minute!  I am getting all the exercise I need chasing you around the house.  You are always busy exploring and honestly looking to see what kind of trouble you can get into or how much you can push the rules!

8.   Let's talk about you and getting into trouble ;)  You're Baba and I are already preparing ourselves for the many incident reports and principal calls that are sure to come our way!  You are ornery all the time!!  When we first met you had a bad habit of scratching, hitting, and pinching.  Knock on wood, the hitting and pinching is much better  but you are still testing the scratching.  It's not uncommon for you to get our attention, put your nails on our skin to see what we will do, and how far you can push your luck.  Trouble with a capital T!!

9.  Physically you are running, jumping with both feet off the ground, walking up and down stairs, throwing balls, and learning to ride a bike.   You are also coloring and finger painting with both your left and right hands.

10.  Your speech is difficult for you to produce and for us to understand with the cleft but you are very good at making your needs known.  You point a lot and we are working on sign language.  You are also making your own signs for things you like.  For instance the need for chap stick is signaled by motions across the lips.  It gets the message across!  You have learned how to say apple juice and milk.  This will get easier as we get to know each other better and as you continue to learn a new language.  You've made tremendous progress already.

11.  You enjoy being outside (most of the time...as long as it's on your schedule).  You are still deciding about whether you like the pool, lake, and splash pad.  At those places you are perfectly happy on the edge with just your toes in the water.  Otherwise just give you a bucket of water and sand and you are set.  The water table however; you love!!  You can spend hours playing with the water table and have no problem drenching yourself.  I am hoping you learn to love the water but even if not you like to be outside so we can find lots of things to do for all of us!

     

The "Lake Beach"

Ava had requested to go to the beach while we were in China.  I thought we could surely do it while we were in Hong Kong and so I told her we could go to the beach.  Well, she really hung on to this and unfortunately the beach was not that easy to access in Hong Kong so it didn't happen.  Of course my smart 4 year old didn't forget that I had said we could go to the beach!  So we settled on a day at the lake which also had a sandy beach.  Ava lovingly called it the "lake beach".  I'm so glad she was happy with this alternative.  I'm thinking that I won't be able to get away with this so easily in the future :)  We had a great day together!

Picnic Time

Ella was perfectly content on the beach.  She was not happy with me when I took her to the water to cool off ;)

Me and my fish!  Ava would swim all day if we let her.

Singing at the beach!

Ella playing with Baba!

The Fuller Four; Our First Week Just Us

Our first week with just us has been a success.  Even though we have missed our families and all the support, it has been wonderful to start figure out what "us" looks like now that we are a family of four.  It has been a fun week.  

The girls have had a really great week.  They are playing together, laughing together, and giving the occasional hug.

Our routine has been to get up and dressed for the day around 8am.  I'm still trying to figure out which girl to get up and going first that won't lead to melt downs because then they have to wait while I'm getting their sister around.  I'll keep you posted on that ;)  We then grab a quick breakfast and head to daycare.  Drop off at daycare has been rough.  Ava loves daycare but is having a tough time knowing that Ella then gets to come home and spend time with me.  The good news is that after 4 days of daycare this week, Ella is no longer crying every time we walk in to daycare.  In fact she is smiling and giving high fives.  Ella and I have then spent our mornings getting things done; planning Catherine's bachelorette party, shopping for dresses for several upcoming events, going for walks/runs, and doing house work.  We grab a quick lunch or meet Matt for lunch and then quiet time.  Ella typically naps for a couple hours which allows me to rest, blog, and work on bachelorette planning.  Depending on the day, we pick up Ava either before or after nap.  Our afternoons have been a blast!  Several afternoons at the play ground, an afternoon at the splash pad, bike rides, and walks.  I could definitely get used to having summers off to hang out with my girls.  Dinner and then family play time.  

I think we are settling in nicely.  Ava is working hard to help out around the house and with Ella.   She loves to read books to Ella, show her how to color, watch Mickey Mouse with her, and comfort her when she can.  Ava has been allowed to stay up late or get out of bed in the evenings to hang out with Mama and Baba.  Ava is still struggling with sharing her parents at times.  Totally to be expected.  We're are trying our best to balance uploading rules and expectations and knowing when to let things go and just hug our girls knowing that some of the behaviors are just adjustment.  I love watching her be a big sister!

Ella is hitting and pinching much less.  The scratching thing is still apparent but is less as well.  Ella seems to be learning when to hold back on those behaviors and what to do instead.  Ella does not like being told no but she is definitely learning that her parents are just as stubborn as she is and are not going to let her act like that.  Ella is learning to do (eventually) what was originally expected.  Ella's laugh is contagious!!  I wish I could bottle it up.  Ella will run around the house, bouncing off the furniture until she falls down and will just laugh at herself.  Her and Baba love to rough house and I love to sit back and listen to then play together.  

Bottom line; I love this family of mine :)      

Specialists and More Specialists!

Ella went through an entire line up of specialists (geneticist, Speech Therapist, Orthodontist, Oral Surgeon, Audiologist, Plastic Surgeon, MD) on Tuesday morning to assess and evaluate her cleft palate.  I'm not going to go into details because this is my baby's private information but the gist is that Ella is a rockstar!!  They couldn't believe how she had figured things out for herself to make them work for her.  She definitely needs surgery to repair her palate which will most likely happen in September and lots of speech therapy.  But she is hearing well, making her needs known, getting the nutrition and hydration she needs.  My girl is strong and vigilant beyond her years!!  

My Girls

That's still fun to say..."my girls".  It seemed like it took forever to get both of my beautiful girls in my arms but now I can't imagine life without both of them.  We fit together beautifully!  Things are definitely not perfect and they won't be.  But I love watching the girls adapt and become better and better friends everyday.  And I love thinking back on the events and conversations at the end of each day and just reveling in our progress as a family.   

Ava and Ella are enjoying spending time together the last couple of days and are playing together more.  Ella desperately wants to be like her big sister and copies pretty much every thing she does.  Most of the time this goes over well with Ava.  Ava is enjoying teaching her little sister the rules of the house; I'm enjoying having some help with this as well.  My Ava is a rule follower.  So far my feeling is that Ella is more of a rule breaker ;)  Ava is working with Ella to teach her how to pick up and put her toys back where they belong.  Ella likes to follow her sister but also likes to see how far she push things to get a laugh out of us.  

Ella is having far less issues with hitting and scratching.  She is maybe scratching once a day, but even that seems like a high estimate.  Ella is definitely a quick learner and even though she likes to push the rules she knows what most of the rules are.  Ella is feeling more and more comfortable everyday with us as well as her surroundings.  She is comfortable to walk around the house and play independently. But also comes to find one of us if she wants company.  She's getting much better about going to different parts of the house; although getting her outside can still require some tears on her part but even that is reducing.  Today was the first time that there were no tears when we put her in her car seat.  In fact there were smiles and giggles!!  That's huge progress!   Another huge bit of progress is that Ella is feeling comfortable going to both Matt and I.  Before this week she would typically decide which parent she wanted for the day first thing in the morning and it was typically dependent on which parent told her "no" first.  Then she would attach to the other parent for the day all while giving the "no" parent dirty looks :)  So the fact that she is learning to hear "no" and still go to both parents throughout the day is big!!  And in the grand scheme of time, did not take that long.

Ava swings back and forth between loving being a big sister and not having any patience for it.  Ava is still having tears on a daily basis due to lots of different situations but all in all it just boils down to the fact that she is dealing with a lot of changes.  She will even tell us that being a big sister is hard.  Yes it is my sweetheart, especially when you are thrown into being the big sister of a 2 year old!!  Matt and I are working hard to give Ava her own big girl space.  Today we worked on rearranging her room so that we could have room to set up her new train set in her room and have room for her new barbies on her shelves.  This will allow Ava to shut her door and have some alone time when she needs it.   Ava also started daycare today.  She only went for a few hours to ease into it again.  She didn't want to go at first but was all smiles and stories when we picked her up.  I think the routine and having her own thing will help to normalize everything going on.   Ava is having a blast teaching Ella things though.  I hear her tell Ella often, do this or that and then they laugh.  Joy!!  I love hearing them laugh together!!

We are so blessed already by the 2 most beautiful, sweet, joyful, spirited girls.  I cannot wait to see where the future takes us...I just hope that it doesn't take us too fast!  We want to enjoy these moments.  

Happy 4th Birthday Peanut!!

I can't believe that my first baby is 4 years old!!  Where does the time go?  My baby is not so much of a baby any more.  But I am so proud of the girl that she is becoming.  Our Ava girl is so sweet, tenderhearted, and full of joy mixed in with some sassiness.  I could not love her more! 

We celebrated Ava's birthday as a family on her birthday.  We started the day off with biscuits and gravy; her favorite and then went to see "Inside Out" at the movie theater.  Ava loved the movie and I  have to add that Ella did great in her first movie :)  Honestly, I think us adults enjoyed the movie just as much as the kids.  We had popcorn for lunch at the movie and Ava picked out M & Ms to go along with her popcorn.   On your birthday you can get away with anything, right?!!   

 She opened her presents from us in the afternoon: barbie, barbie car, books, and balloons.  Her request has been for barbie and balloons :)  She played with them for most of the afternoon and then we went to Red Robin for birthday dinner so that Ava could get her mac and cheese.  We ended her birthday with ice cream cake from DQ.  Yummy!!

Day 2 of her birthday she opened her birthday gift from Lau Lau and Pappy; a train set!!  She was in heaven!!  Her and Baba spent a while setting up the train and playing in the living room.  We've since decided that the train set will need to be set up in her room so that we can keep her little sister from getting in trouble with it ;)  On day 2, Uncle Robert and Catherine showed up too with gifts.  Ava got 2 whole new outfits from them including a zebra shirt and silver, sparkle shoes.  By the end of the day Nai Nai and Grandpa were here too!!

Day 3 of celebrations was a cake and ice cream party with friends, family, and neighbors.  We had a great turn out, especially on 4th of July morning.  But we have really awesome friends!!  Ava had a great time playing with her friends with balloons, in the sand box, and with the water table.  I can't tell you how great it was to see our friends again.  Many of them we hadn't seen since arriving back home.  Lau Lau made and decorated a Strawberry Shortcake cake and we also had our famous strawberry cake.  That along with coffee, capri sun, tea, and ice cream and we were set.   Ava had such a great time playing that we didn't even get presents opened before people started leaving.  That's okay because spending time with friends is way more important that presents.  After her friends went home she did get her gifts opened.  She got lots of great stuff: books, 3 more Barbies, cute clothes, and a few toys.  Ava is one loved little girl!!     

It's So Good to be Home

I don't know if I have ever been so grateful to be home before.  But I am so happy to be home!!  Don't get me wrong, we had a great time and soaked up all China has to offer.  Three weeks is a long time to be gone from home!  And 4 walls of a hotel room can seem very confining after a while.  

Since being home, we are doing our best to readjust to Omaha time.  It seems somewhat easier this time.  We're able to fall asleep at night and stay asleep til normally 4 or 5am.  At that point we've been up for the day.  We all seem to do fine until the afternoon and then fatigue greatly sets in.  Ava and Ella have been taking naps but Matt and I have been trying not to in order to sleep at night.  But some days we just haven't been able to make it without a nap.  Tired parents are not a good combination with tired kiddos :)  Ava has also not been feeling well.  No fever but lots of diarrhea and upset stomach.  Poor girl!  That doesn't help with her patience level :)  

Last night though I think we made a lot of progress.  Ava fell asleep around 6pm because she wasn't feeling well but the rest of us made it til at least 9pm.  Ava woke at 1am but then got back to sleep after a few hours and slept til 8:30am and says that she feels much better today!  Yay!  Ella slept all night, in her own bed!!  She actually slept til 9:30 this morning.  She's an awesome sleeper!!

We've been trying to keep busy during the day and keep our naps to a minimum to help our bodies adjust more quickly.  My mom is amazing and is hanging out with us for the week.  She remembers how difficult readjusting to the time change was last time and experienced it for herself as well.  She's been here to help with the kiddos, cook, learn, do laundry, and took Ava for a day to the zoo.  What a blessing she has been this week!!  We've made lots of trips to the playground and splash park.  We've been playing in the back yard with the water table, in the sandbox, drawing with sidewalk chalk, and discovering bubbles.  While inside we've played with play dough, magnets, toys, read books, and watched movies.    

The girls are doing better and better each day.  I know they will never get along perfectly but am praying that they continue to grow to love each other and want to spend time together (preferably without hitting or taking toys from each other :))  They both benefit from time away from each other too.  But we all need our space, especially if we've been used to having all the space we want.  Thankfully we have the room to allow for some space now that we're home.  It's so interesting because they'll be playing great together and then all the sudden one of them snaps; either Ella hits or pinches or Ava gets mad that Ella's not sharing and then it's all over.  Ava has been having more frequent and more intense tantrums since Ella joined our family.  Matt and I are doing our best to balance time with each daughter and give them what they need but also establish some lines and rules of what will not be tolerated.  It's a fine line.  Being a parent is a tough job!!  More than anything it's most important for our girls to know how much we love each of them and value their individual traits.   So yes we're getting things situated and settled but are also trying to spend lots of time just being a family and playing with our girls.