Emotions of "Pregnancy"

I was having a usual conversation with my mom a few weeks ago, discussing the most recent info regarding the adoption.  Half way through my mom said, "do you realize you are having the same emotions you would if you were pregnant?"  Worrying about our child and praying that they are safe and protected.  Loving them more than I could have ever imagined without having ever met them yet.  I cannot explain what a blessing this comment was and has been for me.  I have spent a lot of time dealing with my feelings regarding not being able to have biological children and now I am actually to the point where I am excited about the journey that is currently leading to our child.  What I still struggle with at times, is the fact that I will never be able to experience pregnancy.  I will never have a sonogram.  I will never feel a baby kick and move in my belly.  I will never experience morning sickness.  I will never experience labor and delivery.  Good or bad; these will not be my experiences.  What has been so exciting for me regarding my mom's comment is that I may not be experiencing the physical feelings of pregnancy, but I am able to experience the emotional feelings of pregnancy.  God is so good!!  Even though he has a different plan mapped out for me, He still knows what I need/want and is still able to give me a sense that I am "pregnant" or at least expecting a little one of our own.   

Holt Gala and Auction

Matt and I were able to attend a gala benefit for Holt last night.  We had so much fun!  We never have an opportunity to get all dressed up, so even that was fun--for me at least!  Matt has lost so much weight in the past year that we had to go buy him new suit pants.  His suit coat is too big as well, but thought it would work for one night.

We had no idea what to expect going into the night.  It started with a silent auction.  There was a room full of items to bid on!  Lots of different items; some authentic items from world travels, pictures, artwork, books, items from local shops, tickets, lots of Husker stuff.  I don't know how much money they made on the silent auction bids, but I guarantee it was a lot. During the silent auction time, we were able to catch up with several couples we went to PIP class with.  It's fun to keep up with everyone and see how things are progressing for each of them.

After that, we sat down for supper.  We sat at a table with two Holt social workers from Iowa, a couple who are in the process of adopting from China, and two other couples who are friends of Holt families.  Molly Holt, daughter of Bertha and Harry Holt- Holt founders- was in attendance.  She lives in Korea and helps run the Ilsan Center.  The center is home for disabled children until they are adopted.  She was the guest speaker.  One of the tables donated $600 for Molly to eat supper with them.  For supper we had salad, dinner rolls, filet and chicken, wild rice, and asian style vegetables. 

The rest of the evening consisted of a live auction.  This was quite entertaining!!  Some of the items auctioned off included:  Husker vs Ohio State tickets, Korean and Indian cooking classes, Asian quilt, Hawaii for a week, Cruises, African safari, and the 77th Heisman Football.  Guess what...Matt and I will be going on a cruise!!  We have three years to go and three destinations to choose from.  I'm thinking a winter get away to Mexico.  :)

On top of all that, Holt raised over $40,000 in donations for Ilsan Center last night.  Let me make that clear, in addition to all the auction items listed above!  After supper, they did what was called "Dessert Dash".  We made bids for dessert based on a table bid and were able to pick out desserts based on how much we bid.  They raised over $17,000 just for dessert!  It was delicious.  Our dessert was an assortment of many different cookies.   

It was quite a night!  I am so thankful to the people there willing to give so freely to benefit Holt.  Matt and I strongly believe in what they do and their mission.  We're looking forward to many more evenings with our Holt family.         

Be Still and Know that I Am God

Be still and Know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

This has been my prayer over the last week and continues to speak to my heart.  It is hard to understand why there is so much turmoil in the world right now and I can easily get caught up in "why God?", but He keeps reminding me to "be still and know that I am God".  And therefore, still very much in control.

The Prime Minister of Japan has been quoted in saying that this is the worst disaster since WWII.  I am so saddened and in shock as I watch the footage from the tsunami caused by a major earthquake that has destroyed much of northern Japan.  Thousands of people have lost there lives and assumable the number will continue to rise as the waters recede.  The Japanese people who have survived the natural disaster have an unbelievable task in front of them in order to "get back to normal".  On top of the tsunami disaster, there are several nuclear power plants that were hit in a direct line of fire from the tsunami waves causing them to malfunction and one is currently leaking radioactive material.  This is scary stuff and is easy to ask where  God is in all of this.  He continues to remind me that He is still in control--Be still and know that I am God.

I have also been watching closely, the turmoil in Libya and how Gadhafi has responded to such uprising.  It is hard for me to understand the turmoil the people of Libya have to rise and face everyday.  What is happening in Libya is especially important to me at this time, since Ethiopia is so close.  My family is there and I am praying daily for their safety.  That God would protect them and their experiences.   

I subscribe to a weekly email called GotQuestions.org.  They sent out an email shortly after the Tsunami in Japan asking the question "Why does God allow natural disasters?"  Here is a quote from that email.

  Such events shake our confidence in this life and force us to think about eternity. Churches are usually filled after disasters as people realize how tenuous their lives really are and how life can be taken away in an instant. What we do know is this: God is good! Many amazing miracles occurred during the course of natural disasters that prevented even greater loss of life. Natural disasters cause millions of people to reevaluate their priorities in life. Hundreds of millions of dollars in aid is sent to help the people who are suffering. Christian ministries have the opportunity to help, minister, counsel, pray, and lead people to saving faith in Christ! God can, and does, bring great good out of terrible tragedies.    

We continue to receive emails daily from Holt updating us on the situation regarding possible changes with the Ethiopian adoption program.  At this time, we do not have any for sure information.  Last we learned on Friday, that there will be a meeting between the US Embassy and Ministry of Women, Children’s and Youth Affairs (MOWCYA).  In my last post, I stated that it was the Ethiopian government wanting to make the change, but it seems as though it is this entity of the government (MOWCYA) who is actually wanting to make the change.  And they will have to go through higher levels of authority in order for the change to pass.  Matt and I have a sense of peace about the situation and know that it will be worked out.  We are not entirely sure what the program will look like once there is a decision, but we trust that there will be  resolution.  "Be still and know that I am God." 

Asking For Prayers

I am sending out this blog tonight specifically asking for your prayers again.  Matt and I have received emails from Holt the last two days preparing us that there may be some changes happening soon with the Ethiopia program.  What the Ethiopian government is proposing could decrease adoptions out of their country by 90%.  Holt is keeping us as updated as possible and expect a determination between the US Embassy and Ethiopia within the week.  If you would like to read more, here is the link to the alert:   http://adoption.state.gov/news/ethiopia_alert.html

On my way to work this morning I heard that there were some extremists that attacked several villages in Western Ethiopia.  We have been paying extra close attention to what has been happening in Libya and Egypt.  Everything seems too close to home right now.  Our family, our baby might be right in the middle of what is happening over seas.  It makes me so scared of what they may be experiencing and so helpless that I can't do a dang thing to help them nor protect them.  All I can do is pray and trust that God is going to protect our child and their family. 

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

O Lord, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress. (Jeremiah 16:19)

What We're Up to Lately

What we are up to is lots and lots of paperwork.  We are currently in the middle of our initial paperwork.  We've been gathering information and documents that we need now and will need down the road such as birth certificates, marriage license, all past addresses (this took Matt some doing, as we have both moved probably 10 times since high school!!).  We made a trip down to the state patrol and got fingerprinted.  This was pretty cool actually.  They don't use ink and paper any more (imagine that!), it was all electronic.  Matt and I just have one document a piece that we have left with the first step- a 15 page essay document that we each have to fill out separately.  Some of the questions are ones that we didn't think we'd have to think about yet such as a will and how we plan to dicipline.  These are things that we knew would come up eventually, but we kind of thought we'd receive our baby first and then worry about it!!!  We're both glad that these things are coming up now though, so that we have time to discuss and prepare. 

Once we get all of our paperwork handed in, the home study process will begin.  So we are definitely making progress.