Parents In Progress

Matt and I spent the last two days attending adoption classes at Holt.  I have to admit that I was a little hesitant about these classes, but these last two days I have learned so much and am so glad we went.  It was so cool to be sitting in a room with 5 other couples, who are in the same boat we are, discussing topics honestly and opening.  I learned a lot about myself and also opened my eyes to what this process of adoption entails.  All of what we learned was incredibly insightful, but some of it was also really scary and made us question if we are ready for adopting a child from another race/culture.    


I was going into this process thinking that we would adopt, all of our dreams would come true, and then life would be "normal".  Now that is absolutely true, but what I have added to all that is that adoption is not a one time thing- it is an ongoing process throughout ours' and our child's life.  Think about it, we will be bringing home a black child into a very white world.  The stereotypes they will face, I know nothing about and honestly wasn't very aware before this week.  Matt and I have a lot of privileges just for being white and "American".  Our child will have a history and a previous life that they may always have questions about.  Just like Matt and I have suffered losses in our lives, our child will as well--although very different situations.  And just like I have questioned "why", my child will as well.  And just like how I have ups and downs in dealing with my history and have different situations that bring up painful feelings, my child will have situations throughout their life that may bring up those feelings as well.  During our classes, Celeste proposed lots of different situations, different questions our children may ask us, different thoughts/comments that any stranger may say and gave us a chance to role play answering them.  Our child will have questions, it's only natural and I hope that we have lots of answers to give them.  I am so thankful that through the Ethiopia program we will get a chance to meet their birth family and will hopefully get lots of answers for them at that time.  It was scary for Matt and I to watch videos of adopted children who still had questions or seemed angry that their birth parents "didn't want them".  But coming out of our classes, Matt and I feel much more prepared to handle the situations and conversations that may lie in front of us.  Not that we have everything figured out, but it feels better to have "everything on the table" and some discussions had. 


The classes have made this experience much more "real"--this is happening!!!  All that I can think about right now is how much I/we love our little boy or girl.  Our child may not have even been conceived yet or they may already be in an orphanage, but we are praying for them everyday--for them and for their family.  Baby- we love you and cannot wait to see your face and bring you home. 


I want to share more about the specifics of our classes, but I am exhausted right now.  I will share more in the next couple of days.


Love you friends, megan    

An Open Door

So we placed the call to Holt today and we are on the road again; this time to Ethiopia!! If you remember, this was my initial first choice~so we've come full circle.  We are really excited, but are also trying to guard our hearts a little give the last couple of months. 

When we met with Bethany we discussed Russia, Bulgaria, Columbia, and Ethiopia.  Russia's program is seriously intense.  Almost double the paperwork, a month long trip, and they are very strict on medical histories.  We decided that this was not something we wanted to deal with.  The process is stressful enough without adding more work and restrictions.  Bulgaria is new program, so we would essentially be guinea pigs.  Not really what we are wanting, at least the first go around.  And Columbia currently has a waiting time of 4 years that is continuing to lengthen. 

Ethiopia's program has intrigued us from day one. They are not a Hague country, but they have a very ethical adoption program.  Ethiopia is the only country in which we would get a chance to meet the birth mom and other family members.  We will make two trips to Ethiopia for about 5 days each with 10 weeks in between visits.  One of the hardest things will be that we'll meet our baby during the first trip and won't be able to take him/her home until the second trip.  

Please continue to pray for us.  We are learning to trust that God is directing our path, we just have to let Him.  It has also become very evident to me that when times are harder, I have a tough time putting all my trust in Him...I try to hang on to at least a little piece of "control".  This does not make my life easier; it makes it tougher in fact.  I pray that God will continue to shape my heart and my life so that I will be able to trust Him fully in good times and in bad.

Love you friends, megan 

Quick Update

What a crazy couple of weeks it has been.  Sometimes I feel like we are riding on a roller coaster.  So when I left off last, we had just learned that the Thailand program had closed.  At the end of that week, I had a message from Celeste but we played phone tag until mid way through the following week.  At that point we learned that even though the program had closed, Celeste went ahead and sent our application just to see what they would say.  What we learned was that Thailand would not accept us ever with my medical diagnosis of hypothyroidism.  Yep, seriously!!  Thailand views hypothyroidism as serious as cardiac issues or diabetes.  It is simply a lack of education and treatment options available in Thailand.  Celeste said that in the past clients have asked their physicians to omit stuff like this off their medical history.  That evening Matt and I talked and even though we thought it was ridiculous there was no way we would ever feel ok with consciously omitting from our medical history.  Really, at the end of the night we had a good laugh.  We asked God for guidance and this suddenly felt like a big neon sign saying "not this direction"!!  So we thought that was it, until we got another call the next day.  Celeste had more news.  Now Thailand wanted to add us to their program!!  What??!!!  We were so flabbergasted that we didn't even know what to say.  Cautiously, we asked if we were only approved if we would ask our physician to omit the hypothyroidism from my medical history. Yes, that is the only way Celeste informed us and then went into lots of other information.  How do we say no???  Something so minimal was not going to stand in our way.  The next couple of days were spent going back and forth.  We even made a trip home to see family and get their incite on the situation.  In the end we knew that we were just trying to justify to ourselves why it would be ok for us to go ahead and pursue the Thailand program.  We finally had to face that if we were working this hard to justify ourselves, this was obviously not ok. 

So, by Sunday we had officially decided that Thailand was not in our cards.  This was not easy to come to this conclusion, but boy did I feel like a weight had been lifted once we were finally able to tell Celeste our decision.  We both knew that we did not want to build our family on a lie.  And we are learning very quickly how stressful this process can be, we don't want to add our own stress by worrying about a lie we have hidden away.   

So we are offically on hold again.  However, I think we are very close to making another decision on a country.  We spent quite a bit of time on the phone with Bethany Christian Services last night talking over country programs that they work with.  We were able to talk through some of our questions and make some deicisons on countries we thought we were interested in.  Sorry, I know I am being very vague.  But we are holding off the excitement until we have been accepted and are on the trail again.  We'll continue to keep you all posted.

Thank you again, so much for all your messages, thoughts, and prayers.  Blessings, megan                  

~overwhelmed~

I am feeling so overwhelmed, not for our situation but because of the amazing family and friends we have.  It is amazing the phone calls, emails, messages, etc. we have received in the last two days.  We know that no matter what happens we are totally and completely blessed with and by our family and friends.  All I can say is "thank you".  It is an awesome and overwhelming feeling to know that people love us enough to pray with and for us.  Many people have expressed that they wished they could do more, but I know that prayer is the best thing they could do now.  I guarantee that I would not be this calm or have this sense of peace if it were not for our Father and your prayers. 

It's awesome when God speaks.  I truly have felt and heard Him over the last two days.  And He has spoke to me through many of your comments.  Below is a verse that I have received numerous times from several friends and family.  And I think it hits the spot.  In fact I have posted it on my bathroom mirror, refrigerator and have a copy to take to work.  That way I'll have the encouragement I need wherever I go :)     

Romans 8:28 (The Message) 26-28 "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good."
Romans 8:26-28 (New International Version, ©2010) 26 "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. 28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose."

Again, thank you so much for your love and support!  We cannot do this on our own.  ~megan 

All I Have is Hope

Anger, confusion, sadness...yep those words definitely describe how I have been feeling since yesterday afternoon.  Matt received a call yesterday from Holt saying that unfortunately the Thailand program is currently closed~not accepting applications at this time.  Celeste said that she had received an email two days after our meeting with the news that the program was closed.  She tried to find a phone number for us so that she could let us know the current situation, but since we only have our cell phones she was unable to contact us.  Basically how the Thailand program works is that they only allow 25 waiting families at one time, then once about 10 children have been placed they will open up the program again.  In Celeste's experience, she told us that she would expect the program to open again in 6-9 months.

I know many of you are probably thinking, well just go with Ethiopia then.  To us, it's not that easy.  We felt that God lead us to this decision and now we have no idea what His plan is.  Part of me is so confused as to what He is doing with the situation and part of me is so angry with God because we felt that He lead us to this decision and then all the sudden the door shuts.  But regardless, this is either not His will or the time is not right. 

I'll be honest, yesterday God was the last one I wanted to turn to.  But this morning as I woke up, I was yearning for Him and all I could do was be honest with Him about what I was feeling.  Recently, our pastor preached about praying and really believing that God can deliver.  So, I've been praying that God will show us the road to take.  I am praying that God will give us some sure signs that He is still with us, guiding us, and that we are not alone.  We need to hear His voice, right now in this moment.  

As I was reading this morning, I was drawn to James 1:2-12. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

So, my faith is definitely being tested but we are taking God at His word and asking Him for wisdom.  Knowing that He loves us.  Also knowing that this life is NOT about me, Matt, or what we want.  It is all about God's purpose and what He wants to accomplish through us and our trials.  

       Romans 5:3-5

but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character and hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit 

Right now, I don't have any answers regarding what we are supposed to do next.  But I do know that He is still here, He has not forsaken us.  Everything is in His timing, even when we don't understand His time table.  He isn't finished with refining us in this particular situation.  And I definitely don't want to finish this without being "complete".  Even though I don't understand why, I am going to hold onto the hope that He has given me, because otherwise I have nothing else to stand on.

I am asking you now, friends/family to pray with us/for us.

1. That we would feel Him and know He is here.  That He is guiding the situation.

2. That He would show us what to do and where/when to move.  

3. That we would be open and receptive to the direction He lays out for us.

4. That Matt and I would be able to rely on each other as we continue to work through this and not fight with each other.  

I feel like I can't finish this blog without a couple more thoughts.  Matt and I are not opposed to the idea of adopting through another country.  We know that there are so many beautiful children out there, from lots of different countries that deserve to be loved and cared for.  Our dilemma comes from wanting to follow Christ and where He is leading us and that includes what country He wants us to adopt from.  I know that in the end, whatever country/city/agency He leads us to adopt from, we will end up with a beautiful child.   

I have had this saying tacked up on our refrigerator for quite some time now.  I found it on the blog of another friend who has gone through something that seemed unbearable at the time and God has worked miracles in their life.  The saying has always been an encouragement to me, so I will end with it today. 

He chose us for this, and if I'm going to walk through a valley of this magnitude, then you best believe that I will not waste this. I will not walk out unchanged, lacking more than when I entered in.

Thank you in advance for your prayers.  I know that God can and will work through them.  ~megan



Step One...Check!!

That's right, the paperwork is signed, notarized, and in the mail!!  We went to the bank Saturday morning and signed the Holt agreement.  The lady who notarized our paperwork was so sweet and wished us "the best of luck".  Our application has been filled out since earlier in the week.  We also had to send in a picture of ourselves and our home as well as our last three years of tax statements.  And of course, our first check.  Can't wait for the piles of paperwork to start coming our way.  I don't think I've ever looked so forward to paperwork!  :)

   

Decision Time!!!

Yep, you heard right we have made a decision...

THAILAND!!!!!

We are so excited!  We weighed out both options, considered pros and cons, asked others how they decided on a country, prayed...and eventually decided that we had to just go with the choice that was on both of our hearts.  How amazing that we both felt strongly about the same country in the end!! 

We are going to sign paperwork this weekend in front of a notary.  The application is filled out, so after we get it notarized it will all go in the mail and we'll be on our way.