All I Have is Hope

Anger, confusion, sadness...yep those words definitely describe how I have been feeling since yesterday afternoon.  Matt received a call yesterday from Holt saying that unfortunately the Thailand program is currently closed~not accepting applications at this time.  Celeste said that she had received an email two days after our meeting with the news that the program was closed.  She tried to find a phone number for us so that she could let us know the current situation, but since we only have our cell phones she was unable to contact us.  Basically how the Thailand program works is that they only allow 25 waiting families at one time, then once about 10 children have been placed they will open up the program again.  In Celeste's experience, she told us that she would expect the program to open again in 6-9 months.

I know many of you are probably thinking, well just go with Ethiopia then.  To us, it's not that easy.  We felt that God lead us to this decision and now we have no idea what His plan is.  Part of me is so confused as to what He is doing with the situation and part of me is so angry with God because we felt that He lead us to this decision and then all the sudden the door shuts.  But regardless, this is either not His will or the time is not right. 

I'll be honest, yesterday God was the last one I wanted to turn to.  But this morning as I woke up, I was yearning for Him and all I could do was be honest with Him about what I was feeling.  Recently, our pastor preached about praying and really believing that God can deliver.  So, I've been praying that God will show us the road to take.  I am praying that God will give us some sure signs that He is still with us, guiding us, and that we are not alone.  We need to hear His voice, right now in this moment.  

As I was reading this morning, I was drawn to James 1:2-12. 

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God...Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the of life that God has promised to those who love Him.

So, my faith is definitely being tested but we are taking God at His word and asking Him for wisdom.  Knowing that He loves us.  Also knowing that this life is NOT about me, Matt, or what we want.  It is all about God's purpose and what He wants to accomplish through us and our trials.  

       Romans 5:3-5

but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character and hope.  And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit 

Right now, I don't have any answers regarding what we are supposed to do next.  But I do know that He is still here, He has not forsaken us.  Everything is in His timing, even when we don't understand His time table.  He isn't finished with refining us in this particular situation.  And I definitely don't want to finish this without being "complete".  Even though I don't understand why, I am going to hold onto the hope that He has given me, because otherwise I have nothing else to stand on.

I am asking you now, friends/family to pray with us/for us.

1. That we would feel Him and know He is here.  That He is guiding the situation.

2. That He would show us what to do and where/when to move.  

3. That we would be open and receptive to the direction He lays out for us.

4. That Matt and I would be able to rely on each other as we continue to work through this and not fight with each other.  

I feel like I can't finish this blog without a couple more thoughts.  Matt and I are not opposed to the idea of adopting through another country.  We know that there are so many beautiful children out there, from lots of different countries that deserve to be loved and cared for.  Our dilemma comes from wanting to follow Christ and where He is leading us and that includes what country He wants us to adopt from.  I know that in the end, whatever country/city/agency He leads us to adopt from, we will end up with a beautiful child.   

I have had this saying tacked up on our refrigerator for quite some time now.  I found it on the blog of another friend who has gone through something that seemed unbearable at the time and God has worked miracles in their life.  The saying has always been an encouragement to me, so I will end with it today. 

He chose us for this, and if I'm going to walk through a valley of this magnitude, then you best believe that I will not waste this. I will not walk out unchanged, lacking more than when I entered in.

Thank you in advance for your prayers.  I know that God can and will work through them.  ~megan



Step One...Check!!

That's right, the paperwork is signed, notarized, and in the mail!!  We went to the bank Saturday morning and signed the Holt agreement.  The lady who notarized our paperwork was so sweet and wished us "the best of luck".  Our application has been filled out since earlier in the week.  We also had to send in a picture of ourselves and our home as well as our last three years of tax statements.  And of course, our first check.  Can't wait for the piles of paperwork to start coming our way.  I don't think I've ever looked so forward to paperwork!  :)

   

Decision Time!!!

Yep, you heard right we have made a decision...

THAILAND!!!!!

We are so excited!  We weighed out both options, considered pros and cons, asked others how they decided on a country, prayed...and eventually decided that we had to just go with the choice that was on both of our hearts.  How amazing that we both felt strongly about the same country in the end!! 

We are going to sign paperwork this weekend in front of a notary.  The application is filled out, so after we get it notarized it will all go in the mail and we'll be on our way. 

Thailand OR Ethiopia???

That is the question!  And we do not have the answer, yet!!  We met with Holt (Celeste) today and the meeting went great.  She was able to answer our questions and calm some of our fears regarding what had appeared like unforeseen expenses.  So we can officially check the agency agreement off the list!!  DONE! 

When we were with her we told her that we were having a hard time deciding between Thailand and Ethiopia.  She explained some of the current situations with both countries. 

Thailand
The Thailand program is a smaller program.  Celeste told us that at any given time they only have 2-3 families pursuing adoption from Thailand.  The children waiting for adoption are in the foster care system and are well cared for.  The waiting time is approximately 2-2.5 years.  Children at the time of placement are 14 months to 2 years.  Matt and I would have to travel to Thailand once for about a 2 week trip.  We would be matched with a child about 10 months prior to being able to take them home.   
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/country_profiles/1237845.stm

Ethiopia
Holt does a lot more adoptions through Ethiopia.  We understood that most of the children are in care centers while waiting for adoptive parents.  Children may be 6 months to 2 years at the time of placement.  We would make two trips to Ethiopia for about a week each trip.  On the first trip we would meet our child and go to court to verify the adoption.  The second trip would be when we would get to take our child home.  We would also get the opportunity to meet the birth family and get to know them.  The waiting time is approximately 1-1.5 years. 
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/country_profiles/1072164.stm

Matt and I are not heart broken at all at the thought of having to travel to either of these countries!!  But how do we decide which country to choose????  We don't know how to make this decision.  It's interesting because when we started thinking about international adoption, I was completely thinking Ethiopia.  But over the last month, I have started leaning a little more towards Thailand.  Matt's top choice has always been Thailand.  Honestly, I don't think we can make a bad choice...but I am still stressing.  The only thing that I know is exactly what I plan to do~~pray, pray, pray and I know that God with guide us.  I am really stuck on the year difference between the two programs right now and I don't want to make a decision based on that...but I don't want to wait any longer than I have to either!!!  We are totally open to thoughts, advice on which way to go.  Please let us know if you have words of wisdom to share with us. 

We'll keep you all posted.  In the mean time, please say a prayer along with us. 

~megan         

         

Merry Christmas!!

What a wonderful Christmas we had!!  I can't believe it's over already.  I do love this season~~all the preparation, decorating, traditions, family, friends, and most importantly celebrating our Savior's birth. If I ever would forget, Christmas will always remind me how blessed we are!  We made two trips home this year~one weekend to celebrate with Matt's family and one weekend with my family.  It is worth two trips home to get to spend time with our families.  I hate having to squeeze in two Christmas celebrations into one short trip.  Two weekends means we got lots of quality time with both of our families. 

Here is a couple of pictures from Fuller Christmas.  It was our nephews first Christmas and we had so much fun with them!!  It's been so fun watching them grow and change over the last year!

 
Here are a couple of pictures from the Angell Christmas.

Hoping you all had as wonderful of a Christmas as we did. 

~megan

And the Paperwork Begins...

So Matt and I have been warned by all of our friends who have gone through the adoption process, how much paperwork there is to be filled out.  We have just started the paperwork and the first piece of it is a very legalize written Holt Agency agreement.  I honestly only made it through a couple of pages and realized I had no idea what I was reading!  Matt made it through the entire 12 pages which took him 3-4 hours to get through, but we still have questions about what exactly we are signing.  So we are going in to talk to Celeste at Holt--the local office happens to be down the street...coincidence, I think not--on December 28th to get our questions answered.  :-)  I am so excited.  This is all becoming very real! 

This last weekend while we were driving back and forth from Christmas with Matt's family we were talking about how last year at this time we were still waiting to see the fertility doctor for the second opinion.  Now looking back that seems like SO long ago.  We have come so far in that year and have made lots of decisions.  It feels so good to be at this point!! 

We also had fun talking about how we can incorporate our child's culture into their lives even after they come to the United States.  It is really important to us that our child knows where they come from.  We came up with a really cool idea, that on their adoption day every year, we could have a celebration like they might have had in their home country. 

I can't remember if I have shared with you all that the countries we are down to are Ethiopia and Thailand.  We really don't want to make up our minds though until after we have talked with Celeste and have an idea of how things are going in those countries, currently. 

blessings friends, megan

One Decision Down

I am so happy to be able to share this news...we have made a decision!!!  We are definitely going with international adoption.  I am so excited about this.  It's amazing to see how God has brought us to this point.  When we first started talking about adoption, we quickly turned our heads at international adoption.  I don't even really remember why we quickly made that decision, but it had a lot to do with what other people might think.  God has used the last couple of years to change our hearts and to really show us that the people that mean the most in our lives don't care what color skin our child has or where they come from. 

After we met with Nebraska Children's Home we spent a lot of time talking about our options and we kept coming back to the fact that babies that need an adoptive family in the United States have lots available.  Unlike babies born overseas, where they typically end up in orphanages.  We feel that God has given us a heart for international adoption and we feel that we can make a bigger difference for a child who is not born in the United States.

Now for the next big decision...we have to choose which country we want to adopt from.  We have several that we are currently talking about.  All have pros and cons.  I am not quite ready to share that yet. But please be praying for us as we continue to make big decisions for an adoption. 

Blessings, megan